So, I don't remember what I said in my last public post, I had planned to keep some things on the dl because I know some people still read my blogs who probably shouldn't, but I'm just gonna let the cat out of the bag for all who don't know.... I'm seeing someone again finally, and I'm very happy about that. Had a good half a year to clear my head about some things, and all is well in the world.

I went to New York with Josh and Lindsey earlier this week, which was fun other than her car breaking down and us all spending 6 hours trying to get a tow truck, and finally getting home 11 hours after we first attempted to leave. Sooo exhausting! Not much else has been happening since I've been back on the mainland.... A few drunken nights in Philadelphia, a few more to come, a couple trips to Maryland..... and then there's always Vegas. Online photo albums will probably prove to be much more informative than my blog.

Unless you're internet-stalking me.... in that case, this will be your most informative source and you shouldn't bother trying to look anywhere else. ....Kthxbai.

Location: my parents' house (rural PA)
Mood: drunk
Music: Jesse Rose - You're All Over My Head

My life is awesome. Once again, another weekend blew me away. Friday night I shared a bottle of absinthe with Chris while he played at the chinatown spot, then after his set ended at 3am we went to our normal afterhours spot... I got the best energy from everyone when I showed up, cause it was the first I'd seen a lot of people since I got back from Australia. Left there around 7am to go back to Chinatown to pick up Chris's decks, finally got to my bed at 8am, woke up hanging HARD at 11am on Saturday, showered, ate some Subway and headed to Hawaii Kai with Chris's gear for Joni's birthday pool party.

Stomach settled after I ate something and I felt much better, but I didn't touch a drop during the party. I didn't even need to think about drinking, it was such a fun party! Big beautiful house with a pool and LOTS of great people (of course!) and my favorite djs on the island bangin' it out! After the sun went down a group of people started fire spinning... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8laBTguofY&feature=player_embedded) The party ended around 9:30pm, so we packed everything up and bounced around a bit before heading to the afterhours spot. EVERYONE that night was seriously on their game. Adam, Willis, Darren, Ernie, and Chris all played crazy shit I haven't heard them play before. Chris especially surprised me... I'm used to hearing minimal and tech house and bouncy fun bubbly things from him, but he was in some crazy zone with dark ass techno and he got way experimental with it. It was so badass, a flawless set for like 3 hours, some parts were so off the wall it was weirding people out (Rob said he was scaring him with his Berlin techno haha) but he managed to get like $30 in tips and SO many people kept approaching me and telling me that he's a really good dj... yay, total confidence boost for Chris!! So deserving of it too. I'd never seen him in that mode before either, I went into the booth a few times to dance next to him or give him a drink, and he looked so intense! Wouldn't look up from all the knobs unless I was waving right in front of his face!

Finally around 9am Sunday a handful of us left and went to a friend's house... between drinking, partying, and powernaps I ended up being there until midnight last night. it's 8am monday morning now, and I think I'm gonna go back to sleep. I'm DRAINED!!

Location: Waikele, HI
Mood: satisfied
Music: Swahili Song

first night here I didn't do much, wandered around a bit in the city center but most things were already closed.

Second day, Wednesday, we went into the Sydney Tower, then walked around most of the day. down on the Wharves of Darling Harbour, up past Harbor Bridge and around The Rocks and Circular Quay. Took some pics across the water from the Operahouse, but it was a rainy day.

Thursday, it was actually sunny so we walked through the Botanical Gardens, around to the Operahouse, took a ferry across the harbor to the zoo (where we chilled with the kangaroos!) and then we took a train to Bondi junction and met up with Caz. We caught up on what we'd been doing over the past year and a half, went out for a kebab and some drinks, then dan and I went back to our hotel.

Friday, yesterday, it was cold and rainy. I bought two new pairs of glasses frames, hell yes! had an AMAZING crepe, and actually, every food I've eaten here has been pretty awesome, so I've been stuffing my face nonstop. I'm afraid to see how I look by the end of this trip. We walked up to the Australian Hotel bar/restaurant for some pizza and stuff, then walked down to the wharf again and caught a ferry to Milsons Point, where Luna Park is. SO awesome/creepy. total 40s glitz / futurism / art deco, and looks like they haven't upgraded the place a bit in 70 years. I took lots of pics, got my camera all kinds of wet in the process, but hopefully it was worth it... after that, we took a train across Harbor Bridge and went back to the Observer Hotel, where we ate on Wednesday, for a couple drinks and chips... caught a train back to the hotel later and chilled out in the room with music and beer.

Today I slept in, then we went to the Australia Museum, literally RAN for cover cause it was raining so hard and I didn't want to soak my camera, and had more awesome food followed by ice cream :) Right now I'm getting my fill of the internet while enjoying a lemon Lucozade :D

tonight, after dan wakes up from a nap, we're gonna cruise over to King's Cross and check out Moulin Rouge, a club Caz told me to look into.

Sunday, not sure what the plan is, and Monday, we probably have to check out of the room kind of early, and we'll probably just cruise for a couple hours then head to the airport... Dan's flight leaves a few hours earlier than mine, but I might just get through security and shop the Duty Free and then nap in the terminal or something.

Location: Sydney, Australia
Mood: cold

Monday 11:23am Hawaii time
mehhh the plane icon is so far away from the tiny string of islands!! Turn around! I can't wait to experience Australia but wow do I really love Hawaii... Plus, current temp in Sydney is 64.4°F :( I'm so spoiled!

I forgot how awesome soda tastes when there's actual sugar in it. It's been about a year and a half... Cost me $2, I paid with $5USD and was given a soda and $5.50AUD... I realize US's economy is better right now but it still doesn't seem to add up. Also, I'm going to be spending an entire day with the sun in the exact position it was when I left Lulu. Almost a full 24 hrs but in only 10 hrs time... I'm so confused. I need another nap.

WHAT FUCKING DAY IS IT?!?!!?

Tuesday 10:23am Sydney time
Literally the longest flight of my life. I keep balling myself up trying to nap in this aful seat, but the headrest is so hard I keep waking up with neck cramps and a borderline headache. I can't sleep worth shit on this flight! Maybe the red bull earlier was a bad idea. I wasn't going to throw any more money at this airline but holy shit, I'll NEED a drink to get me through the next five hours. I don't feel tired now, which is nice, but I didn't bring a book or anything and my iPod is almost dead. Speaking of the iPod, another recent BP drunk purchase is playing - Miss Pacman - why don't I listen to dirty electro more often than I do? Oh shit it's a straight up dance party! ETA 5 hours exactly, please hold out, Deck battery!!!

Tuesday 10:45am Sydney time
5 hours 21 minutes in, I feel like a crazy person, aahhhhhhh.. Better rush me to the ASYLUM! :)
I'm 2746 miles from my sanctuary :(

Monday 3:01pm Hawaii time
Looloo is now a dot about 4 pixels wide. I'd feel less helpless if I weren't 5 hours away from any land mass...

"Starkids shifts the spotlight onto child exploitation."

"All Kinds of Dental Treatment
Laser Tooth Whitening Dental Implant

Free Limo Pick up Service
LASER WHITENING
7,200 Baht (US$230)
14,000 Baht (US$450) for couple"

Tuesday 11:51am Sydney time
...I think there's some blood in my drug vessels...

Tuesday 1:15pm Sydney time
The guy next to me is nice. He's from Tasmania, just spent a month on Kauai for a friend's wedding and joked that he'd leave his wife and marry for a green card just to live in Hawaii. If only he lived somewhere in Europe, and maybe were a little cuter... I joke.

Tuesday 1:43pm Sydney time
I haven't eaten in 48 hours. I only realized this now when my stomach rumbled for probably half a minute straight.

Tuesday 2:25pm Sydney time
vodka time... but the only soda left is Coke, mehh. But once more I paid with $20USD and got $20AUD as change... I'm confused! and the receipt shows $1 discount AUD! why??

I'm almost 5000 miles away from Lulu, which means I'm nearly 11,000 miles away from Philadelphia. Or, about a 24 hour flight away. I can't even comprehend that distance... Also, this is maybe half a step above talking to myself. This flight is making me craaazzyyyy!

Tuesday 2:34pm Sydney time
Anyone ever notice the Mac alert being used as a sample in Booka Shade's In White Rooms? If he didn't sample a mac, I'd be surprised, cause it sounds dead on to me. Fucking awesome.

Tuesday 2:42pm Sydney time
My can of Coke lists Energy in the nutrition information. THANK YOU, why is america so fucking backward? Soft drinks are way better with sugar and I'm more interested in knowing the percentage of my daily intake of ENERGY than of protein or fat... duh.
Man, not eating for two days and being 41000ft in the air makes me feel one drink awfully fast... AWESOME! One more hour of sitting here... I feel like I'm in detention or something.

Tuesday 2:53pm Sydney time
Gripper is such an amazing track. It brings to my mind every overwhelming ecstatic thought I could possibly think. It's one of the very few tracks that remind me of the feeling I get when I'm so in love with someone it makes me sick. I miss that. Maybe someday I'll really feel it again. Maybe not. Either way, it'll all be okay because this track has me floored like I'm nearly comatose from ecstasy every time I hear it....

3pm Sydney Tuesday - 7pm Honolulu Monday - 1am Philadelphia Tuesday?
WTF
I'm still trying to figure this time warp out...

I WANT TO MARRY OLIVER $!!! Or, no, just his beats! If there were ever a way to put me in a great mood no matter what, it'd be a handful of $ tracks thrown at me consecutively. Specifically, his Big Dope P remix. Reppin' mah block! Shake dat ghetto!

I wish more people had an appreciation for Bmore or what I call Ghetto Techno. Silly or not, it never fails to get a party hyped!

Plane is so dry I got a bloody nose. GTFO! I went into the bathroom and spat what I thought was phlegm, but it was really a big blood clot looking thing.... I'm gonna die somewhere in the air above Australia. This is bad. Landing hopefully within a half hour....

Location: airplane between HNL and SYD
Mood: bored
Music: Oliver $

It's currently 6:47am Tuesday Australia time, or 10:47am Monday HI time...
Had a crazy weekend with a combined total of 4 hours sleep, "officially" started dating someone, went to 2 clubs and 4 house parties then in an inebriated state around midnight I threw some clothes in a backpack with my camera and passport - slept a refreshing 5 hours and headed to the airport.

Caught up with my parents finally while waiting in the terminal, we both admitted that we've been meaning to call, we just "keep getting trashed and forgetting" is the term my mom used. :)

I crashed out for the first hour of my flight, just woek up to baby chickens on all the tvs (WTF, mate?) and some siiick techno that I've not yet had the chance to hear all the way through (Once again, late night drunken beatport shopping proves to be valuable!)

Anyway, yes, I'm dating again... really didn't expect that so soon, but shit happens. Almost 5 months of being single definitely had its benefits, and I can already tell I'm approaching this situation much different than I would have previously.

Besides the exhaustion I don't feel half as bad as I expected to after this weekend - a couple more naps on this flight and maybe some food and I'll be ready for this adventure. Really glad I don't need days to recover, and chewing time off my vacation... It's hard to even consider this a vacation. I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth and the people I surround myself with help keep my life a surreal bliss. :) My life is a vacation right now! My stomach dropped for a moment when I saw the island fading into the ocean below, and I'll only be away for a week. I can't imagine the panic I'll feel on my mainland flight next month. I've developed island fever, but reversed. I completely understand why Mike cried at the end of his stay here, despite having more travels to look forward to.

Feeling stranded on an island has put me so much at peace with myself despite kind of trainwrecking my life financially right now, and today for the first time, the thought ran through my mind that though I may not stay forever, there's no reason to pull away from this lifestyle before I'm completely ready. :)



-----I wrote a lot more, I'll update with that later if I feel like it.

Location: the sky
Mood: accomplished

So, it's been a while. A lot has been happening. I fucked off for a semester and am afraid to face reality with how bad I mangled it (still not sure what to do on this situation for right now... I was completely irresponsible about it but my world was upside down for a lot of the semester)... My easy-breezy job got flipped around when my boss was fired, and the new boss hinted that "someone" in management was gonna lose their position, and I being the newest, least-experienced, and lowest-position manager knew that I was immediately on the shitlist. I lost my shit one weekend and came in and told everyone I was quitting, luckily my new boss wasn't there that day or it'd have been final - but because of that, I gladly took a demotion to pull in a manager from another store (as was planned). Now I have a quarter of the responsibilities, a third the hours and a third of the pay. (Need to go job hunting after my upcoming travels)

MEANWHILE, through all this stressful mess I've made, I've also made some killer acquaintances and friends and hope to grow closer with all of them.... the weather and the FUN here is spectacular, and Hawaii owns my heart for the time being. -sigh- Philadelphia.... I miss you dearly... but I'm just not ready to handle a mucky, wet, cold 8 months out of the year. At the time I wasn't sure why I was doing it but moving out here was the best thing I could have done for myself when I did it. I feel like I expanded my mind and my horizon and my views on things are only getting wider.

There is not one day here that I'm not excited to experience.... I've always said I love life but I don't think I've ever meant it quite to this extent! :)




...Fuck, this may be the cheesiest entry I've ever written.

Location: Waikiki, HI
Mood: jubilant
Music: bp.cm

Things would be so much easier in life if I could just be happy to be alone.

for always.

Location: Honolulu, HI
Mood: aggravated

Okay, so perhaps I've severely fucked with my brain's chemistry in the past month - more so than normal - but regardless if that has any effect or not, I've been very ... confused. I like the weather here, I like the parties here, no wait, let me rephrase -- I like ONE club here, and nearly all the people in it and the scene here, but I'm still a newcomer into their little community of close friends -- and where I came from had some great music, great venues, great people, despite how shitty and depressing the seasons could get. I'm still not over Wally, but really, maybe I am and I just need him to tell me to my face IN PERSON that he hates me, and maybe that's all it would take for me to get over it. But what if I'm wrong? I miss his face. I miss talking with him, I miss his company.... fuck, I miss the nights we would stay in and curl up on the couch together and I'd fall asleep because the TV was boring. I miss having a place that I can call home. I pay my half of rent on a place, but I don't feel like I really truly live there. I'm just visiting. But will I live down the street, or is my home elsewhere?


WHAT THE FUCK DO I NEED?



I'm just aggravated that there isn't a clear answer and I'm tired of guessing. No matter what choices I make or decisions I come to, there's always going to be the what-ifs. What if I never left Philadelphia at all? What if I never moved to Hawaii? What if I never met that handful of people who have helped in the evolution to my current thought processes, ideals, and perspectives? What if I never spoke up about how I felt with the way things were going in my relationship with Wally?


My biggest question, which I cannot answer yet, is this: Was it worth it?



....On a side note, myspace should really stop with the fucking "people you may know" feature. Every other time I load my home page, it shows Wally... and every fucking time, I'm surprised as if I didn't expect to see his face on my screen.

Location: waikiki, HI
Mood: apathetic

This weekend was an adventure. Friday night was a bit strained for various reasons but I came to my senses about some things, and the rest of the weekend was just silliness. I've missed being silly..... why is life always taken so seriously? It can be so much more fun if you just do what you have to do and then move on to the other things you'd rather be doing... Maybe this doesn't make much sense, I don't know. I mean, don't stress out over a job, just do it with a fucking smile on your face and imagine how much worse your situation could be... and then go out or home to your couch and enjoy your life in ways that you find work the best. Art, food, drugs, movies, or fucking go on a hike, just enjoy yourself. whatever. There's no sense constantly having yourself worked up in a state of panic over nothing really. I don't know where I'm going with this. Honestly I don't even know where I'm going with my life.... I don't know where I'll even be living in a matter of months, whether I stay here or travel to the other side of the world, I don't know yet. But I feel at least mentally prepared for whatever situation I end up in.

Location: Honolulu, HI
Mood: hungry
Music: Bassnectar - Yo

It's such a huge relief to be single. It's been a while. I'm not sleeping with / interested in anyone at all, and it's a relief. I go to work, I (sometimes) go to class, I go out, I do what I want, and I come home. No questions asked. No explaining myself to some guy who doesn't understand me at all anyway, no trying to prove to someone that I'm not cheating on them when they don't believe me, none of it. So far, I've spent almost my entire life answering to my parents, and if not my parents, a boyfriend who is just as protective over me as my parents were when I was younger.

The one time I had a comfortable relationship, I wasn't happy with it and now I feel as if I threw it away over something that seems so petty now. I could kick myself for it, but then again, it brought me to a better understanding of myself. My parents learned years ago that I'm capable of handling myself and the situations I get myself into, and I wish the people I date would realize that too. I'm not sure that any guy will understand where I'm coming from and respect my ideals and trust my actions... so I will remain single and just stay out of that whole mess altogether.

I can't wait to live alone. I'm not sure how much longer I plan to stay in Honolulu... lately I've been thinking that my flight in June would be my return to the mainland, but perhaps that will only be a visit.... I'm letting it up to fate; my living situation and my job will decide for me whether I stay in Philadelphia in June, or if I use that as a vacation and return to Honolulu for a few more months. If I decide to stay here, it will probably be just for a few more months, and give me more time to travel to other places less accessible from the East coast mainland.

Regardless of where I end up, I'm happy with my own personal time and space for the time being. I love that I can enjoy the company of friends of any gender and not have to deal with someone being jealous if the time is not spread evenly between everyone. I want to be completely independent and though I feel that I'm well on my way toward that in a financial sense, I haven't allowed myself that luxury mentally or emotionally. I'm excited for the time that I do end up back in Philadelphia, where I can hopefully afford a place to live by myself. Alone.

Location: Manoa, HI
Mood: accomplished